Midwinter Mirage
by Senashenta
Summary: A story of the Shadow-Lover's sudden, cold, unexpected embrace- and of Midwinter miracles.
1. Fire On The Air

**Disclaimer:** Valdemar & concepts belong to Mercedes Lackey, and this story belongs to Senashenta (aka Me. lol.)

**Original Characters:** Heraldic-Trainee Marin Correy & Companion Amory, Heraldic-Trainee  Sumitra "Sumi" Enryck & Companion Dawnwen "Dawn",  Herald Tarak Williamsen & Companion Angeni, Heraldic-Trainee Kalonice "Loni" Shilling & Companion Canist, Herald Junas Fingall & Companion Vyvien, Herald-Weapons Mistress Celena Rannalier & Companion Misora, Healer-Herald Emmie Angilas & Companion Idonte, Healer Astral, Bard Gharod, Healer-Trainee Nary, Bardic-Trainee Ruanna...

**Notes:** I welcome thee to the angst-fest that is my Christmas ML fic for 2003! *waves arms* This is Part One, and Part Two will be released—on Christmas Eve! (Hopefully!) Hah. Normally I only do One-Shots for holiday fics, but this one just... _became... a two-part-er. ^_~ lol_

**Midwinter Mirage**

**Part One: Fire On The Air **

Midwinter was coming, and Marin was looking forward to getting away from the Collegium and visiting her friends and family back in Rosewood—and, even more so, she was looking forward to introducing everyone to Amory.

_:And__ I look forward to meeting them.: The Companion told her warmly._

_:You__ are going to love them all.: She replied, _:and they'll all think you're gorgeous, just like everyone else does.:__

They had never had the chance to see him when she was Chosen; she'd been in Haven visiting her aunt and uncle when Amory came for her, and so her parents had simply received a rather unexpected notice, scribed in gold and blue and bearing the Queen's mark, that the only daughter of the Correy family had been whisked off to become a Herald.

It had been nearly four years since then, but because Rosewood was so far away from Haven they hadn't even had a chance to visit—and Marin herself had been so busy with classes and the rest of her new life that she hadn't had the time to go see _them_. She felt guilty about that, actually...

_:But__ it couldn't be helped.: Amory reminded her, _:you were _more _than busy with your studies, and—Tarak—that you just didn't have the time to go. It's a good fortnight's ride from here to Rosewood, you know.:__

_:I__ know. I'm glad they gave me permission to take extra time off this Midwinter—I really do miss my family. Even my brothers, believe it or not—and I never thought I'd say that, you know. I think you'll like them, Amory, I really do... I can't wait to introduce you!:_

And it was then when the second Voice invaded her mind with; _:ah__, and I'm nothing more than  pigeon pie, I suppose?:_

She had to quell the giggle that rose in her throat as she responded. _:Well__ of course _I'm looking forward to introducing them to_ you_, too!:__

_:Poor__ Herald Tarak, taking second place to a Talking Horse...:_

_:Just__ don't let Angeni hear you say that.:_

Amory chuckled, but didn't say anything—he always enjoyed the banter between his Chosen and her long-time love interest. 

Herald Tarak was two years her senior, and had already graduated to his Whites, while Marin still had another year of study before receiving hers... and he was nearly finished with his Intern-Circuit as they spoke, with only a few days of riding left before he and his mentor arrived back in Haven once more.

Everyone swore it had been Love At First Sight for the two of them. Though not Lifebonded, they had been next thing to inseparable since they met during Marin's first year as a Trainee—while Tarak was in his fourth.

Even their Companions got along well—were close to being best friends, in fact, though they tended to shy away from talk about romantic interests between them; perhaps because they didn't think of each other in that regard, and perhaps because they were just embarrassed at the mention of it. For her part, Marin didn't particularly care, and thusly had never asked Amory about it, though she had her suspicions.

_:Where__ are you now? You can't be busy or you wouldn't have the time to talk.:_

Tarak sent a mental shrug, _:just__ the other side of Restinn—we're actually about to stop for the night.:_

_:It's__ not even dark yet.:_

_:Hm.:_ He agreed vaguely, _:but Vyvien twisted her ankle a few leagues back and Junas wants to give her some  extra time before we set out again tomorrow morning--: sensing the question before she could ask it, he added; _:—she just caught her hoof on a stone. It's nothing serious, but Junas says she'd like a bit of a rest.:__

_:Tell__ her I hope she feels better.:_

_:I__ will... and aren't you in class right now?:_

Marin layered her next Sending with innocence. _:Maybe_?:__

_:Pay__ attention or you'll never get your Whites.:_

_:Yes__, Father__.:_

He laughed in response, mindvoice yellow and tasting of apples, and vanished from her thoughts as quickly as he had appeared.

_I really am excited about this Midwinter..._

Sighing contentedly, Marin leaned back in her seat, keeping her attention semi-focused on the lecture that Bard Gharod was giving—about the finite nature of Court politics, or something just as dry and uninteresting. She was too happy to care much about courtier blather, and chances were she could get the gist of it from Sumitra, anyway. The girl simply _adored_ anything political, much to her year-mates disgust.

  Marin supposed it was Sumi's upbringing that made her obsess over anything Court-related; the slightly younger girl had been raised in the Courts of Stormhaven, the Capital city of Taymyrr—until she was fifteen, when Dawnwen finally arrived to spirit her away. Having lived the life of a courtier herself, she already knew the ins and outs of it—but that, of course, was Taymyrr politics. Learning Valdemarian politics was just one of many opportunities she found once she arrived in Haven...

_:Gharod__ is bright, you know.: Amory commented, _:if you keep daydreaming, he's going to make you run laps or something equally unpleasant.:__

_:He's__ not like Weapons Mistress Celena.: She replied._

Ah, the Weapons Mistress—who, contrary to what her name would suggest, was _not calm, collected, kind and serene. Instead, she sported a temper to reckon with, a short fuse on top of that, and a kind of sarcastic-ironic-cruel streak that no one liked to think about._

Not that any of that stopped the brainless courtier suitors from knocking on the salle door at every chance they got—because a fact that no one could dispute was that Weapons Mistress Celena was _beautiful_. Between her raven black hair, snapping green eyes, and slim, strong fighters body, she had every suitable male within ten leagues of the Collegium trailing at her heels. Not to mention that she was about as highborn as one could get without actually being royalty—and she had absolutely no interest in settling down.               

The main problem lay in the definition of the word "suitable", Marin supposed.

Politically speaking, a marriage between the Rannalier family's eldest daughter and any one of the men who came tapping at her door would have been sound—but Herald Celena just wasn't interested—in marriage in general, but particularly in men...

_If what I've heard is true, she and Herald Emmie are—involved._

_:Don't__ go spreading that around, __Chosen__. They like their privacy.:_

Some good advice, even if it came from Amory snooping around in her thoughts, as Weapons Mistress Celena was likely to have kittens if she ever found out someone was spreading rumors about her.  And Healer-Herald Emmie would either die of embarrassment or spend the rest of her life hiding in the Grove alongside her Companion, who was as shy and sensitive as his Chosen.

_:Well, I wouldn't want to subject Herald Emmie to that kind of humiliation.:_ Marin giggled, _:so I'll keep my trap shut, okay?:_

_:G__-o-o-o-o-o-d _Chosen___. I knew__ I kept you around for a reaso—:_

"Marin, if you don't mind, could you tell Amory to pipe down, and pay attention to the lesson?"

She must have jumped two feet into the air from her seat, and knocked all of her books onto the floor in her surprise. The class tittered, and Sumi looked at her as if she had sprouted a tail of some kind. Amory _humphed in the back of her head, demanding; _:why___ is he blaming me?__:_

She ignored him in favor of scooping her books off the floor and placating Bard Gharod, who was regarding her with amusement and a sardonically raised eyebrow. "Sorry, he was just telling me that—uh—Herald Tarak is going to be late getting back to haven because—see—Junas' Vyvien twisted her ankle—or something—and—"

"—and your love life is _far_ more interesting than this class." Gharod shook his head with a stifled grin that held more than a little understanding, and waved a hand in both a dismissing and exasperated manner. "Younglings!"

**~*~*~*~*~**

"Honestly, Marin!" Sumi exclaimed in flawless Valdemarian—a talent she was infinitely proud of, given her foreign upbringing, "_how could you want to sleep through something so interesting?"_

"It's only interesting to _you_, Sumi." Kalonice reminded the other girl.

"Loni's right." Marin added, then; "and I wasn't _sleeping."_

"Whatever," the brown-haired girl waved a hand vaguely. "How's Tarak doing?"

She graced Sumi with a flat Look. "Who says I was talking to _him?"_

"Dawn'." Sumi replied smoothly, "and in case you're wanting to know, she says Amory told her."

_:Amory__...:_

Innocent feeling. _:What__?:_

Marin sighed, and Loni giggled. "I hate to tell you this, Marin, but you're _always talking to Herald Tarak."_

"It still seems strange to be calling him that." Sumi mused, as Marin tried to decide who she wanted to glare at more. "It feels like only yesterday that he was still wearing the same Grays as the rest of us, doesn't it?"

"Yeah." Loni shook her white-blonde hair out of her eyes, and then looked toward the sky for a moment, shielding her eyes  against the sun with one hand. "Only a little while longer and  _we'll_ be Heralds, too, you know."

"And that's even _stranger_," Sumi agreed.

They all lapsed into silence.

Sumi and Loni were right, Marin decided—how odd it would feel to be wearing White instead of Gray. She was almost uncomfortably with the idea. _I know it's what I've been striving for all this time, but..._

_:It's__ a big step.: Amory seemed to shrug, _:it's natural to be a bit nervous... but you have a year until you graduate to Whites, anyway. And a year of Interning before you can even be called a Full Herald.:__

Marin sent a wordless pulse of agreement back at him as she and her friends continued to walk, albeit a bit slowly, toward their next class. They were taking the long way around from Bardic, where their class with Bard Gharod was held, to Healers—their destination being Field Healing with Healer Astral.

But it was such a nice day outside...

And none of them were particularly fond of their Healing class, anyway. It wasn't that they didn't get along with Healer Astral—in fact, he was one of the nicer of their Teachers. It was just that none of them had taken well to the sound of setting broken bones, resettling disjoined shoulders, sewing up gushing wounds and other things of the like.

They had also taken Field Healing in their first year at the Collegia... but then, and for the next three years, they had been confined to working with animals, and dealing with relatively minor injuries. Now that they were in their final year, though, they had graduated to human beings, and some of the things they'd seen since then...

Well, to put it simply, it made them sick. Literally.

_:But__ none of you have any doubts about the seriousness of border disputes or wars, now.: Amory pointed out._

Marin had to stifle a grimace. _:I__ could still do without the gore, Amory.:_

_:We__ all could, Chosen.:_

Touché...

_:But__ if you don't hurry up, you'll be late and Astral will be forced to chase you around with a big, pointy, sharp stick.:_

_:That__ would be a sword__, Oh Wise One.:_

_:Swords__ are made of metal.: Amory chuckled, _:besides, I'm told that your lesson for today is strictly in-classroom. No sewing up bleeding farmers or setting bones today! That should make you happy.:__

"I can just _feel_ joy overtaking me." Marin muttered sarcastically.

Sumi and Loni blinked at her. "Um... what?"

"Nothing." She waved away their curious looks with a vague hand gesture. "Amory was just saying that Healer Astral intends to keep us in class today, instead of trotting us around the Gushing Injuries wing of the Healers Sanctuary."

"Oh, good." Loni looked relieved—but then, she had always had the weakest stomach of the three of them. There had been more than a few times when she'd had to run from the lesson, lest the make a considerable mess on the normally sterile Healers floors. "I'm really not in the mood for blood today."

"You never are." Sumi joked.

"Neither are _you_." Came Loni's response.

While Sumi sported a much stronger hold on her gag reflex than Loni, even she had occasionally turned several shades of green during some of Healer Astral's lessons. Needless to say, they were all pleased with Amory's revelation.

_Tarak's__ going to be back soon, it's absolutely gorgeous __outside, and we don't have to deal with septic wounds or dislocated shoulders._

It was turning out to be a pretty good day.

**~*~*~*~*~**

Amory was wrong.

Very wrong.

And seemed to be snickering about it as well, damn his white rump.

"Hold the flesh closed, Marin, or Nary won't be able to stitch it as tightly as it needs to be."

She made a face, but followed Healer Astral's instructions—to the best of her ability. The wound that she and the Healer-Trainee called Nary were currently trying to sew closed was _not_ co-operating. Not. At. All.

Gritting her teeth, Marin glared downward as she clamped her hands even tighter around the young man's leg—making him yelp in the process, despite the sedatives he'd been given—and cursed her Companion in every way she could think of. Across from her, Healer-Trainee Nary was concentrating so hard on his work that his tongue protruded from his mouth a bit.

_He_ wasn't disturbed in the least by the job at hand.

_Lucky bastard.__ He's __used to this. _

Her hands and arms up to her elbows were coated in blood, as were the front of her clothing. Luckily, though, Healer Astral kept spare clothes on hand for them to wear during classes such as that—and extra smocks on top of that. At least in that regard, Nary wasn't so fortunate—while he _did rate a smock, he was forced to wear his actual uniforms underneath._

And he wasn't permitted to use his Gift, which was why they were having so much trouble. Or—he _was_—just not until they had managed to stitch the wound closed. Only then would Healer Astral allow him to help the tissue to mend a bit, and the blood to clot.

_I am _so _going to do something to Amory after this._

She didn't know _what_, but definitely _something._

In another section of the building, Sumi and Loni were dealing with a young girl who had been caught in a fire. The Healers had saved her life, but her burns needed a lot of attention, still. They were being taught how to dress said burns by another senior Healer, Mayav, who helped Healer Astral with his teaching duties on occasion.

And Marin was stuck in the Gushing Injuries ward with Healer Astral, a handful of Healer-Trainees, and one Bardic-Trainee, holding a man's leg together with her bare hands and wishing she could kick Amory's shins.

And tell aforementioned Man-With-Gory-Leg how _stupid_ he was to pick a fight with a full-grown Mastiff and expect to win.

_I mean _honestly_! What is wrong with people these days?_

_:They__ don't all _have Companions to keep them on the right path.:_ Amory laughed._

She Glared at him—or, sent the Feeling of a glare.

"Right—Marin, just hold your fingers like that. And you, Nary, just follow the path of the wound: if you try to force it to conform to what _you want, it won't Heal naturally, and there will be more scarring." Healer Astral, who was directing their bloody little performance, was giving orders left and right. "That tourniquet is slipping a bit—Ruanna, get in there and tighten it before it lets go completely."_

The only Bardic-Trainee present, Ruanna, darted forward, tightened the tourniquet with a quick _yank, secured the knot as best she could, and then hurried to get out of the way before she could get covered in blood the same as Marin and Nary._

Despite the shocking amount of blood, the man was lucky. Very lucky. The dog he'd tangled with had only mangled his leg—and Mastiffs, bred for hunting, were trained to go for the throat. In fact, _because of their breeding, it was in their very genes._

"You're a very lucky man." Marin muttered under her breath, as Nary (thankfully) finished the last stitch and knotted the thread. She released his leg, ignoring the impulse to smack him upside the head for his idiocy.

"Alright, good." Healer Astral nodded approvingly, "you're done now, Marin—Nary, now you get to seal the wound and cork the bleeding, so to speak." He was almost smirking, much to Marin's annoyance. "Marin, you know where the bathing room is here... just go and get cleaned up. There's nothing you can do in regards to the actual Healing Gift, so you the rest of this case doesn't pertain to you."

In other words, she had about a quarter of a candlemark to go, get cleaned up, get changed, and then arrive back there for the rest of the lesson. She'd done it before—a lot of times before, actually.

"Yes, sir—" she nodded, then; "do you want me to come back here after, or just meet you in the classroom?"

"The classroom, actually. This is it for the rest of the on-site cases."

_Good._ Marin ducked out into the hallway, and headed for the Healers bathing room.

**~*~*~*~*~**

She didn't have much time to really enjoy her bath, but at least she was relatively clean again—and sitting in a sea of red water, which was actually a tad on the disgusting side. Making an exaggerated gagging noise, she pulled the plug from the bottom of it—to allow it to drain away—and climbed out.

_I still smell like blood. How come Sumi and Loni get the Burn ward and I get the Gore ward?_

_:The__ luck of the draw, I suppose.: Her Companion told her, __:you've only got about five minutes now, until you have to be back at class. Hurry up or you'll be late.:_

_:Healer__ Astral wouldn't be all that __mad.__:_

_:A__ big, sharp, pointy stick.: Amory reminded her._

_:A__ sword__.: _She_ reminded _him.__

Still, she respected Healer Astral enough to _try_ to be on time, if nothing else, so she picked up her pace a bit and scrubbed herself dry, wrapping another towel around her hair to soak some of the water out of it, and began to pull on her clothes—

—and suddenly—

—from nowhere—

A dark, solemn bell began to chime.

**~*~*~*~*~**

She knew.

She knew who the Death Bell was ringing for.

She knew—and she was frozen by the realization.

_Tarak—and Angeni—_

She was only half-dressed, but her hands didn't want to move anymore. Her feet were stuck in place. Her mind wasn't working—and at the same time, it was racing out of control. Amory—was strangely absent from her thoughts, and she didn't even notice.

_Tarak—and Angeni—_

_They—_

_Tarak—_

_He—_

Suddenly she found herself in flight.

One minute she was standing in the bathing room, wearing only her light under-shirt and breeches, and the next she had exploded out into the hallway and was racing barefoot down the corridor. The towel she had wrapped around her head came loose and fell off, landing with a damp noise on the ground. She began to trail water as it dripped from her hair.

She passed Sumi and Loni—and Healer Mayav, who emerged from a door to her right, but didn't stop when they called after her.

"Marin—"

The front doors to Healers burst open a moment later, and she flew from the building. 

Her lungs were screaming, along with her mind. Silently. Painfully.

Marin reached Companion's Field seconds later—and found Amory waiting for her there.

"Amory—!" Without thinking, she grasped the top rail of the fence and scrambled over. It took only seconds: normally, she wouldn't have managed it so quickly, but the shrieking her own mind was doing spurred her into abnormally fast and graceful action. "Amory, the Bell—Herald Tarak—he—they aren't—"

_:He__ and Angeni both.: Amory's Voice was subdued._

"No!" She was gasping now, her lungs demanding oxygen now that her frantic race had ended, and she shook her head. Denial was her only escape from reality—"no, you're wrong! The Bell—the Bell is wrong! You're both _wrong!"_

_:The__ _Bell___ is never wrong.: He said softly, _:it only rings—when a Herald dies.:__

She shook her head again, desperately, "I was just—I just _talked to him! Just—it was only a candlemark ago! He's—they were fine! They were—they were coming __home! They were coming home—and—they were—"_

_:Death__... is not always expected, and the Shadow-Lover does not care about the concept of time.: Amory's eyes were a reflecting pool of grief, but he met her gaze squarely; __:when He comes for someone...:_

"No! No—he's—it was only—" her voice broke and tears flooded her eyes, spurred by the understanding that radiated down the Bond between them. Amory stepped forward, and his nose brushed against her cheek as her words trailed off into oblivion. "He was fine... I was talking to him... it was only a little while ago..."

The Death Bell continued to toll.

**Part Two: "Spirits In The Wind" | Will be released on December 24th or 25th!**


	2. Spirits In The Wind

**Disclaimer:** Valdemar & concepts belong to Mercedes Lackey, and this story belongs to Senashenta (aka Me. lol.)

**Original Characters:** Heraldic-Trainee Marin Correy & Companion Amory, Heraldic-Trainee  Sumitra "Sumi" Enryck & Companion Dawnwen "Dawn",  Herald Tarak Williamsen & Companion Angeni, Heraldic-Trainee Kalonice "Loni" Shilling & Companion Canist, Herald Junas Fingall & Companion Vyvien, Herald-Weapons Mistress Celena Rannalier & Companion Misora, Healer-Herald Emmie Angilas & Companion Idonté, Healer Astral, Bard Gharod, Healer-Trainee Nary, Bardic-Trainee Ruanna, Healer Mayav, Monarch's Own Herald Yitro & Grove Born Companion Gwydion "Dion"...

**Notes: **HAPPY (belated) MIDWINTER and MERRY (belated) CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE! ^_^

**Extra Notes:** No, Marin and Tarak are/were not lifebonded. That was stated early on in the first half of _Midwinter Mirage. And to answer the next question before it's asked—she knew it was he and Angeni who died the same way every other Herald/Trainee and Companion did: because of the lovely Herald-Mage Vanyel's web that connects them all together. - (simplified explanation, lol.)_

**No Tomorrow:** Go read etcetera-cat's One-Shot, _No Tomorrow. It's a birthday gift to me, and is about some of my characters from the _Shifted Silver_ RPG; Teegan Donoma, Father Talich, and Companion Mindoc. It's also amazing. ^.~_

**To Those Who Expected This On The 24th:** I apologize for the lateness, but please allow me to explain: over the last three months, my life has been taking a slow and painful spiraling descent into depression and despair. This culminated the week before Christmas in the form of a complete mental breakdown on my part, which, sadly, took precedence over my fic-writing. I'm feeling a bit better now, thanks to my uncanny ability to block out my own negative feelings and an appointment with the doctor, which is going to result in antidepressants and a date with a psychiatrist, and am up to par enough to at least work on some angst-filled fanfiction. So please accept my abject apologies again, and let's just all pretend this was posted on the 24th, ne?

**Midwinter Mirage**

**Part Two: Spirits In The Wind**

_Amory forced her to go back inside. Given that it was nearly Midwinter—and thusly, there was two feet of snow covering the ground—and she wasn't wearing any shoes, it was good judgment on his part, though Marin didn't care. She didn't feel the cold through the odd numbness that had spread throughout her body anyway, and it was all she could do to stumble back into the Healer's Sanctuary, even propelled by Amory's nose._

_Sumi and Loni met them at the doorway, both with tears in their eyes, but willing to put aside their own sadness to help Marin deal with hers.__ Vaguely, she noted that Dawnwen and Canist had come in from the Field just behind she and Amory..._

_"I don't understand..." she muttered under her breath, over and over again, as Amory nudged her into Sumi's arms, and Sumi, in turn, handed her off to Healer Mayav.  "I don't... I was just talking to him, and he was fine. Herald Tarak—he can't be dead—because—he just—he can't—"_

**~*~*~*~*~**__

Marin crouched lower in the saddle, bending her head downward in an attempt to block the wind from her face—and also to block out the unwanted memories of the day her love-mate had died. Below, Amory shivered unconsciously, his own head ducked down for much the same reasons.

It had been... what... three weeks?

_:Almost__ four.: Amory told her quietly._

Four weeks. Four weeks since Tarak and Angeni had been lost, and they still didn't know the whole story. Even the Companions were iffy on the subject—and Marin didn't know if that was because they didn't _know_, or because they didn't want to talk about it. Amory, at least, was in the same boat as his Chosen; no one wanted to talk to him about it. About Angeni.

He missed her so much...

As much as Marin missed Tarak, if not more, and that fact made her wonder about the actual depth of their relationship. He had loved Angeni, that much was painfully apparent. And every day that he lived without her, the grief threatened to choke off his breath and drive him to his knees.

Marin knew how he felt.

_I didn't even realize..._

She hadn't even realized how much she cared about him until he was gone, and there was nothing she could do about it—it had been while she was in the Healers Sanctuary, with Sumi and Loni hovering over her anxiously, when the realization of _how much_ she had lost actually stuck her. 

Tarak was more than just her lover—he was her confidant and her friend. Someone she could talk to about anything, and the person that she loved more than any other, Amory not withstanding.

And with him gone...

Monarch's Own Herald Yitro seemed to be the one only who had any idea what had happened, and he had come to see her that very afternoon. He was a kind person, soft spoken and compassionate, but his explanation of the circumstances behind Herald Tarak and Angeni's death had cut her to the core.

**~*~*~*~*~**

_"Marin—"_

_She knew him, vaguely. She had met him the day that Amory had marched her into the Collegium and changed her life forever—his name, she recalled, was Yitro, and he was the Monarch's Own Herald._

_"Herald Yitro?"__ Sumi seemed surprised to see him._

_"Sumitra, Kalonice..." his chocolate brown eyes conveyed sadness as he stepped into Healer Astral's office from the hallway. "Could you please step outside for a minute? I need to speak with Marin."_

_"Uh—yes.__ Sure." Loni stood, dragging Sumi with her, and they both squeaked out the door._

_Yitro shut the door behind them, and it closed with a soft clicking noise. "Are you alright, Marin?"_

_She was sitting in a plush armchair, legs pulled up to her chest and arms wrapped around them. Her chin was resting on her knees—and she turned a red-rimmed gaze toward him when he asked that one simple but painful question. "I'm... I'm tired, Herald Yitro."_

_"That's understandable." Yitro nodded, "my Gwydion is talking to your Amory... do you know how he's doing?" Pausing for a moment, he added; "sometimes... when you're sad, you can't tell how your Companion is, right? But you need to keep in touch with him, to help both of you through this..."_

_"He's tired, too." Marin whispered. "He... already misses Angeni."_

_"Like you miss Herald Tarak?"_

_"Yes..." her voice cracked, but she had to ask; "Herald Yitro... what happened?"_

_He sighed softly, moving to drag another chair over to hers, and then took a seat. "There's a lightning storm just outside of Restinn right now." He told her, selecting his words carefully, "it started a short time ago—just after Junas and Tarak arrived at the Waystation—and the Station was struck while Junas was inside, and caught fire. Herald Tarak... he went in after Junas, and—"_

_He broke off for a moment, thinking, and Marin had the vague impression that he was talking with his Companion._

_"We don't really know _exactly_ what happened." He told her finally, "Vyvien and Angeni were outside, and all Vyvien can tell us is that Junas and Tarak were trapped. So Angeni went through the flames after her __Chosen__..."_

_And neither of them made it back out alive._

**~*~*~*~*~**

Yitro had learned most of what he told her from Gwydion, who had, in turn, learned it from Vyvien. The two of them—the Grove Born and one "normal" Companion—were probably the only ones who knew anything _close_ to the whole story.

For Marin, rest of the what had happened was pieced together later, from bits and pieces told to her by Sumi and Loni, who no doubt got it from Dawnwen and Canist. What she gathered was that Vyvien and Angeni had managed to drag Junas and Tarak out of the inferno—somehow—but it was too late for Tarak. And Angeni...

A Companion can't—or won't—live without their Chosen...

Another pair of Heralds—Glyn and Fidelio—were dispatched to Restinn on emergency orders, and Restinn was close enough to Haven that they got there in no time. They were the ones who found Junas, unconscious and burnt, laying in the Waystation yard with Vyvien near panic nearby. 

And Tarak and Angeni, lifeless...

They already knew, of course, because of The Bell...

They rushed Junas back to the Healers Collegium, with Vyvien leading the way, and deposited him into the waiting arms of Healer Astral and Healer Mayav, who set to work on him immediately. Vyvien was taken into the wing of Healers which was reserved for Companions to have her own wounds treated.

And Glyn and Fidelio went back to Restinn once more, to gather Tarak and Angeni and bring them home.

_The last leg of their Circuit._

Marin felt tears stinging her eyes, and blinked them away, ducking her head once more.

Amory was... strangely neutral in her mind. He had been that way ever since losing Angeni.

He just didn't _feel_ anymore...

They were on their way to Rosewood, to celebrate Midwinter with Marin's family. Her Mother and Father were looking forward to seeing her and meeting Amory, and she didn't want to disappoint—not that she really felt like celebrating anything.

And so Amory was trudging through knee-deep snowdrifts with his Chosen huddled into a ball on his back, and both of them nursing broken hearts.

The snowstorms had started about a week before they set out from Haven, and weren't particularly unexpected—it was winter, after all, and they had been lucky not to get them earlier... though the new drifts were making travel a bit harder than it would have been without them.

_:I__ think we need to stop for the night,: Amory said, breaking the silence that had loomed over their heads since the beginning of the trip._

_:Yes__,: she answered simply, _:is there a Waystation near here?:__

_:We're__ just Haven-side of __Nottaway__. There's a Waystation about a league ahead of us, I think.:_

_:Alright__...:_

She just wanted out of the wind and snow.

**~*~*~*~*~**

_Marin was standing out by the fence to Companion's Field, staring across the expanse of snow that transformed the green grass to a cloak of white in the winter. Bundled up in a winter coat, warm breeches and fur-lined boots, she didn't feel the cold—not that she would have noticed it, even if she'd been wearing only her underclothes._

_She was numb, inside and out._

_Across the Field, Companions—those who hadn't already fled to the stables, that is— dotted the landscape, a light dusting of snowfall sprinkled across their coats as they stood in groups to try to keep warm._

_Except for Amory.___

_He alone stood by himself, away from the others—and away from his __Chosen__ as well._

_It had been two weeks, but he was still mourning. They both were._

_"Um, Marin?"___

_Sumi sounded hesitant, and Marin turned to look at her and Loni for a moment before giving them a ghost of a smile. "Hi."_

_"Are you feeling alright?"_

_The other girls stepped up to stand beside her, and off in the distance two of the Companions separated from the Herd and started toward the fence._

_"I'm... I'm alright, I think." Marin shrugged._

_They looked unsure._

_"Are... you sure?" Loni wondered, climbing up to the second rail of the fence to wait for Canist—who perked his ears and tail and picked up his step when he saw her. "You haven't been yourself lately, Marin."_

_"Not that we blame you." Sumi added, "we're just worried."_

_"And I appreciate that." She said, "look... guys, I'm trying. I really am. It's just..."_

:Hard to move on?:_ A Voice suggested, and a familiar and yet unfamiliar Companion seemed to appear from nowhere to stand in front of her. _:Yes... yes. It's hard to move on when a loved one passes... but you learn to live again.: _He tipped his head downward, crystal eyes showing sadness that was depthless and somehow eternal. _:I've had to do it myself... countless times.:

_"Gwydion?"___

_The Grove Born nodded slowly, ears flicking. _:How are you _really_ doing, Marin Correy?:

_She was silent for a minute, then; "does it really... get better? Does the pain fade?"_

:Yes. With time.:_ Gwydion told her solemnly._

_With time..._

**~*~*~*~*~**

How much time, she wondered, as Amory slogged his way up the path toward the Waystation, head down and muttering to himself about the damned snow. Surely, the agony would fade soon...

Wouldn't it?

Amory all but collapsed in front of the Waystation door, and Marin slid stiffly from his back, legs half-frozen despite the winter breeches she was wearing. With hands that were bundled inside two pairs of mittens, she fumbled with the handle and shoved the heavy door inward, nearly falling inside from the combination of forward momentum and the wind from the snow storm.

Wearily, Amory followed her inside and she struggled to shut the door again as he pushed past and into the main section of the Waystation. _:Maybe__ you should have taken Sumi and Loni up on their offer to come with us.:_

The door was closed. Marin felt her way through the dim innards of the Station, guided by her hands and the pale light that was filtering through the single snow-covered window, attempting to locate the woodpile. "What makes you say that?"

_:It's__ dangerous to be out alone in this weather.:             _

"You're with me, Amory." She found the woodpile in a back corner of the building, and selected a handful of pieces that were thin and dry, then headed over to the fireplace.

_:Yes__. But I would not leave you, if something happened. If someone else was with us, they could go for help.:_

"We're fine." She told him softly as she stacked the wood in the fireplace and felt along the rough stone mantle for the firestarting kit. "We made it here, despite the storm, and Rosewood isn't far from here. We should get there by late afternoon tomorrow."

_:If__ we don't get snowed in.: Amory said, peering out through the frosted glass of the window. _:And___ that's not my point.:_

"I know." A spark, and she blew on the tiny flame until it caught properly, then returned to the woodpile for a decent sized chunk of pine. "I just didn't feel up to extra company, okay? And neither did you."

_:I__ still don't.:_

"Neither do I."

Once the fire was a decent size, she busied herself with going through the barrels of dried fruit and vegetables that lined the back wall of the building. She was both looking for something to eat, and avoiding conversation with Amory at the same time.

The tension between then was uncomfortable. Soul-wrenching. Despairing.

She hated not being able to talk to him...

He was her best friend. He was... he was different, somehow, and she was too.

He was her _Companion,_ for Haven's sake!

And yet he had become a stranger to her.

_I'm alone..._

The second last barrel she opened had mixed grains in it, and the last was half-full of oats. Under Amory's watchful sapphire gaze, she made note of which barrels they were, and then returned to the fireplace to retrieve the heavy cast-iron pot that was always hanging over it.

It was surprisingly heavy, but she hefted it off its hook anyway, and carried over to the door—the Waystation didn't have the same running water that she had grown used to at the Collegium, so instead she opened the door, letting the wind rush in to chill the air once again, and scooped enough snow from the bank outside to fill the pot to the rim. 

The cold stung her hands, but it was over quickly.

She shut the door firmly and carried the pot back to the fireplace to hang it again.

_:Marin__...:_

Amory's voice held a pleading tone, and her throat closed off. "I don't want to talk about it, Amory. I can't."

Silence.

She watched the snow melt over the crackling flames.

**~*~*~*~*~**

_"Really—Marin—maybe you should just stay here?"_

_Loni was hesitant, and when Marin didn't immediately respond to her question, she was even more hesitant to speak up again. Seated next to Sumi on Marin's bed, she watched her friend slowly packing clothing into saddlebags and cast a worried glance at the other girl._

_"Marin?"_

_She paused, glancing up from her packs. "Sorry?"_

_"I said... um, maybe you and Amory should just stay here this Midwinter?"_

_"No."_

_"But—"_

_"My family is expecting us..."_

_Sumi cleared her throat softly, "I'm sure... they would understand if you didn't."_

_"No, Sumi!" She snapped, and jammed the tunic she had been fiddling with into the pack unceremoniously. "I'm not _staying_ here! I can't stay here__! I can't!"_

_The other Trainee backed away a half-step. "Sorry—I didn't mean—"_

:Marin...: _Amory's Voice was barely even there..._

_"It's not your fault." Marin whispered, and for the hundredth time in a week she felt hot tears spilling down her cheeks. She repeated; "it's not your fault, Sumi, I just... I need to get away from here. I need to spend Sovan with my family, and hopefully..."_

_Hopefully, she could forget?_

_She didn't think she ever would._

**~*~*~*~*~**__

Inevitably, the snow melted into water, and then the water began to boil and turned to steam. Beads of water condensed on the brick above the pot, only to drop back down and turn into steam once more.

She added a bowl of oats to the water, and then a bowl of the mixed grains. Though she truly didn't care what it tasted like, she added dried apples and raisins to it as well, stirred it a bit, and then began an absent search for a jar of cinnamon.

It wasn't until she found the spice and had been blankly staring at the label for several long minutes that she realized—

—that in her mind—

—in a place that even Amory couldn't go—

She wished she had died that day as well.

A soft nose touched her shoulder, and she dropped the jar to the floor. It shattered with a _crash_ that was almost deafening in the confines of the Station, and the sound seemed to echo on and on, into eternity...

_:Marin__.:_

There was a feeling, like arms wrapped around her soul, and she turned toward Amory, whose compassionate crystal eyes ached with sadness—but understanding as well. For a moment they were both still, and then he stepped forward again to rest his head across her shoulder.

"I loved him so much, Amory. I loved him_ so_ much..."

_:You__ were not lifebonded,: the Companion replied softly, __:but what you had was real, and in some ways your love went deeper than that created by one. It was the same with—Angeni—and _I.___ We loved each other more than the birds do the sky, or the fish do the sea. More than time, night and day... more than forever...:_

Since that day, they had not spoken of their losses—not to each other.

Marin hugged his neck, eyes open but not focused on anything. Tears crawled down her cheeks and across his silky hide. "I didn't know you loved her that much..."

_:I__ did... I did.: Amory said, __:I still do.:_

"Yes..."

_:Marin__...:_

"I'm sorry. I've been such a pain..."

_:You__ have the right.: Pausing, he added quietly; _:your dinner is going to burn...:__

**~*~*~*~*~**

Emotionally. Physically. Mentally.

She was so tired that the simple straw bed seemed as if it were made from fine silk and goose down, and she fell asleep within minutes of lying down and pulling the two heavy quilts the Waystation was equipped with up to her chin.

Her dinner... was mostly uneaten, though she _had_ managed to stomach half a bowl of it. She imagined that it would have tasted good—had her tongue been willing to cooperate with the rest of her senses. 

Amory ate the rest of the porridge, and she calmed the inner voice that nagged at her to eat _more_ _damn it by telling it that he needed it more than she did. After all, he was the one who had to make the trek from there to Rosewood—she would only sit, once more huddled in the saddle, while he carried her through the roaring wind and driving snow._

She felt useless.

Helpless.

Lost.

Amory slept next to her, lying upright on the floor, with his nose just barely touching the edge of the mattress. He snored sometimes, and his ears and nose twitched as he dreamed. He was broadcasting something—sadness, maybe—without realizing it, but it didn't affect her much.

She slept anyway.

**~*~*~*~*~**

_"She looks just like an angel... she always has, whenever she's asleep."_

_:Are__ you going to wake her?:_

_"I'm not sure. I haven't decided yet."_

_:You__ should. She'll want to see you.:_

_"And I want to see her... I miss her, Angeni. I miss her, and I love her."_

_:Tell__ her that... tell her that, and more.:_

_"Yes..."_

**~*~*~*~*~**

Something touched her face—a feather touch, light and soft, and familiar fingers traced along her jaw line. An unintelligible sound worked its way from her throat, and her brows furrowed as tears welled in her eyes, though she was still asleep—

_"Marin... wake up, Love..."_

Her eyes fluttered but didn't open, her mind resisting the transition from the dream world she was in.

_"Please, Marin... Love, I don't have very much time. You have to open your eyes..."_

 Tortured hazel orbs opened—slowly—

Herald Tarak looked down on her, a smile gracing his face. _"I'm sorry to wake you. Were you dreaming?"_

"I still am..." she murmured.

_"Not sleeping... not truly."_ He chuckled, and leaned down to brush his lips against her forehead.

Blearily, she looked past him to Angeni, who was standing next to Amory, watching him sleep with a contented air. Somehow, she got the feeling she was speaking to him—maybe the same way Tarak was speaking to _her._

"Tarak..."

_"Yes, Love?"_

"You left me alone..." she barely squeaked the words out, and still they sounded accusatory to her own ears. "You... died and... and left me..."

_"I know." _Guilt tinged his words; _"I know, and I'm so sorry."_

He shifted his weight, and stretched out beside her on the straw mattress, tucking himself under the blanket with her, and she cuddled into his side, holding tightly to him as her eyes began to sting once again. "I miss you... so much... I miss you _so much_, Tarak!"

His own tears were obvious in his voice; _"I miss you, too, Marin. I miss you with all my being."_

"I need you back!" She whispered harshly, burying her face against the shoulder of his Whites, "I want you back, Tarak! You left me alone, and I want you back..."

_"I left, yes."_ He agreed sadly, _"but I had to leave... I had no choice, but I did not leave you alone. Love, you'll never be alone. Not as long as Amory is alive, and he will be alive until you yourself are called to the Havens."_

A whimper was all she could muster.

_"You need to remember that, Marin. Remember Amory—he will _always _be with you. But he needs _you_, too. You can't just shut him out."_

"I haven't—"

_"You have."_ He interrupted, _"I know you don't mean to, but you have."_

"Sorry..."

_"It's not your fault."_ A chuckle, _"just remember—Amory loves you as much as I do."_

"I know." She sniffled, then repeated; "I miss you."

_"I can't stay... Love, I'm sorry. I know you miss me, but... you'll have to keep on missing me..."_

"Don't go?"

He held her. _"I have to."_

"Why? Why do you have to?"

_"I shouldn't be here at all,"_ he told her, _"but They gave me leave—only to say goodbye."_

"Goodbye..?"

_"Yes."_ He began to untangle himself from her desperate embrace, and though it tore her heart in two, she let him. _"Goodbye, Marin..." he sat again, and kissed her gently, _"I'm so sorry it had to be this way... I'm... I wish it could have been different. I really do. I... you know I love you. I always will."__

"Tarak, no..."

_"You know I love you."_ He repeated.

"No, please..."

He was standing, and turning, and Angeni was waiting, and he put one foot into the stirrup—

"Please!" She was begging. Pleading. Tears streamed from her eyes, and she wanted to stand—wanted to run to him, and throw her arms around him, and weigh him down, and _make_ him stay—but somehow she couldn't seem to stir from her seat in the bed. "Please, don't—"

_"Marin..."_

He was firmly in the saddle, sitting tall and proud, and looking like the Heralds of legend—except that he, too, was crying, eyes red and with tears of his own staining his face. An angel in White, mounted and ready to ride to the Havens—and Angeni looked the part of the Companions of old—

_"Marin, please—try—try to be happy. Try to move on."_

"I—"

_"Take care of yourself,"_ he said sadly, _"and take care of Amory."_

"I will. I—"

_"I'll wait for you."_

"Yes..."

_"Goodbye, Love."_

She held a hand out, but in a flash of feathers and wind he was gone—

**~*~*~*~*~**

The dawn sun shone on freshly fallen snow and sparkled in through the window, casting light across the floor of the Waystation. Marin's eyes squeezed closed tighter, and she pulled her blankets higher to cover her face.

Movement. _:Marin__?:_

Amory's voice. _:Amory__...:_

And she remembered—

She flung the blankets aside and sat up sharply, eliciting a surprised snort from her Companion, who was standing next to the bed and peering downward—looking more _normal than he had in over a fortnight. _:Uh___...:_

Her eyes flicked from him to the window.

Outside, there was no wind, and no blowing snow. A new layer of white powder coated the world beyond the Station, but the sun was bright and the sky was cloudless and a beautiful blue that almost rivaled Amory's eyes.

There was hope out there...

_:How__ are you feeling?:_

"I'm..." she frowned, unsure.

She was sad, yes, and there was still grief, but...

"I'm going to be okay, Amory." She told him, and smiled for the first time in weeks. A real smile. "I think I'm going to be okay."


End file.
